odd little me

so whats been up, whats been down... the ground, i recently became aware that i always look at the ground, i cant seem to look up, i rarely speak to people to their face, and the actual fact of my knowing this habit was happening came from someone else... odd, yes; but what can i do, maybe it's from years of low self estime and lack of confidence, yeah i may be a nerdy outgoing geek but my social skills suck, lets start with anaylizing the fact that i grew up very alone, as a kid in L.A., one is secluded to living inside, because other ways you''ll be kidnapped or murdered by the ice cream man or such... that made life just a little to weird, i mean i did play a lot, mostly by myself, and my dad gave me everything me little heart could desire, but still i was alone, combing my barbie dolls hair or watching muppet babies on tv, (and sesame street after that). Thus i come to the conclusion that been by myself made me really secure of being alone, im not one of those persons that flips out cause he/she stayed at home one evening. Also i've thought that my huge more than normal imagination is brought on by the years i spent like this. I remember i used to go to ballet and tap, one of my major lifetime flunks, i mean i didnt suck but i wasn't tall or blonde, so of course little chubby me was just left in the background, even though i loved to dance, all my home videos my dad taped i was always dancing (yes, it was the 90's so i was majorly dancing rap, how LOL), but still i didnt have many friends at school, i remember how i got in trouble for always been with the wrong kind of friends my dad used to say, the ones that always got perfect A student little me into trouble, yeah i was your usual teachers' pet, the one always getting to be student of the month and that crap. It seems funny now, but that was the only thing i was good at, well that and drawing, i wish i could do art, too bad said life: "im not gonna let ya'". talking about this is really bumming me out, i think im gonna start crying so bye for now, and by the way i wanna thank any of you who read my blog, im ever so gratefull.

ta-ta
nat

geisha tears

melancholic star
just a few pics from my personal gallery